'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
