Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
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he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
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Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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