i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
