yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Randomize
