I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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