dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
