What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
