Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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