If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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