Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
