Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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