Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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