My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
