the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
