the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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