was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
