I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize