i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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