i barfeds in our rink
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
