I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My vagina just recognized that song.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
