Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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