paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
