btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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