he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
