She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
