There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
