so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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