When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
