Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
