I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize