He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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