I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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