ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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