i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
did you just send me my own nude
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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