On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
