sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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