Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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