he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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