im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
