This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
