So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
