either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
