WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
