i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
