I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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