my mouth tastes like poor choices
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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