Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
