I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
