3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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