Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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