Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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