I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
