Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
