My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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