Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
