I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
