We won't sleep together?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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