Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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