Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
