whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
