you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
