I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
