when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
