On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
