Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
