you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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