ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
