What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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